Attraction.

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Then…

The other night some weird overwhelming desire caused me to ask my husband the most ridiculous thing… “Do you still find me as attractive as when we first met?” I sat there for quite a while debating in my head if I should even give way to this curiosity. So, while fighting a lump in my throat, I just blurted it out. He paused and sighed (he is used to my oddities but I still think sometimes shit like this can catch him off guard) then snuggled up really close to my heart and gave the right answer. “Yes, even more so now”.  I know that is the answer he had to give; and it is the one I wanted to hear, but I believe him. I don’t how it could possibly be true but deep down I know that it is. You see… I am not one who typically cares about what image I am putting forth. I rarely find the time to get dressed and can consider myself lucky if I shower twice a week. I throw on a bit of make up when I need to go to work on Saturday mornings or if there is place we are going that I should appear decent. I am a good 20 pounds heavier and a whole cup size smaller. I have even grown a couple of wrinkles around my eyes the last 5 years. How could that possibly be MORE attractive then the skinnier, less wrinkly, big-boobed girl he met half a decade ago? Well, I cannot speak for him but I can tell you why I find me more attractive now. I am happy. Truly, deeply H-A-P-P-Y. I have found my place in this world that makes sense. That is mommyhood, that is a wife, that is in a career that is meaningful. I think that has made the biggest difference. Every place I am in my life right at the moment is because that is where I want to be. I feel secure and becoming even more so on a daily basis.  I like my extra 20 pounds… ok, I would love to lose 10 but not enough to do anything about it I guess. I feel confident in my body and it’s abilities. Since meeting Logan I have had two babies. One that I have feed and nourished from my breasts for over a year. My  body is different now and I am totally ok with that. The wrinkles around my eyes are caused by my smile. I have more reasons to smile, and laugh and to grow wrinkles then I ever did back then. The way I see the world has changed. The way I direct my passions and view our circumstances. I am more attractive now because what was inside is starting to glow on the outside.

The truth is, I know Logan feels that way about me because I feel that way about him too. He, too, has put on weight and added some wrinkles. His hair is not as kept as it once was. His expensive wardrobe has been traded in for more practical duds. In all that change something extraordinary happened… he morphed into my perfection. There isn’t anything more attractive then a daddy who brushes his daughter’s hair. The same one who takes pride in his ability to get his baby to sleep every night. The one who does homework with a frustrated nine year old with ease and patience. A good father to our kids has made him 100 times more sexy then I thought possible. When he knows the right words to say and even more the right time to not say anything at all. The way that he NEVER gives in. He strives every single day to provide for his family. Even when he falls short, he gets back up, and keeps going. The times he can throw me into such a fit of anger and still somehow finds a way to make it all better. All that has made me grow even more attracted to him now then way back when the fire started.

The attraction has grown and yet it has changed. We connect in much simpler ways these days. It is not always about ripping each other’s clothes off in a fit of passion, as much as it is finding the time to just BE. To be together and just sit still. To embrace the rare times it is just us. The times we can sit back and see just what our love has created. The times we share just a moment of affection, whether it be a hello kiss, or a stroll hand-in-hand. It is a nice feeling to just feel that at any given moment we are happy. We are in love. That is the most attractive part of it all… the fact that we are growing old together.

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Now…

No Comments

  1. Kelli -  January 25, 2013 - 9:49 am

    This is the sweetest post Risa. I love this. I feel the same way, we have changed a lot over the years but I think for the better. I wouldn’t trade size 2 me for who I am now for anything. Love you guys!

  2. Kay -  January 25, 2013 - 10:14 am

    Lovely post! I know exactly how you feel.

    My husband and I met when I was 19 and he was 20 (we are only 4 months apart). We started dating the summer we were both 20. My friends couldn’t understand it. He was 20, overweight and balding (he is 28 now and completely bald, he took after his dad in that lol). They didn’t understand what I saw when I looked at him. I knew he was balding, overweight, etc… but he was still very handsome, and an amazing person. From the first time I saw him I had this feeling of ‘everything’s all right now’ which I have since decided was my version of love at first sight. Something in me knew, even if I didn’t know yet.

    I remember specifically one evening we went to a get together with a bunch of my friends and one good friend that had been out of town at college and had not met Trevor the summer before for whatever reason. When she got there I went over to see her and she asked where the wonderful guy I had was, I pointed to Trevor and she turned to me, shocked, “He’s so BIG!” I laughed at it and said, “well you should see his big brother!” (only a half joke, Trevor is just shy of 6ft and was 255lbs for the first few years we dated- a very large man, especially next to my then 5ft 105lbs. His older brother at that time was 6ft 5 inches and porportionally heavier then Trev).

    My friend didn’t see what I saw. I saw the love of my life, she saw a body type different then what she was use to seeing me with. The moral I guess is that body doesn’t matter. If it’s your love they are attractive. Handsome, beautiful, gorgeous. That’s what you see because that’s what they are to you.

    I loved that reminder in your post. Thank you for sharing it! (and sorry for writing a book in reply… I tend to be too long winded :p)

  3. Erin -  January 25, 2013 - 2:44 pm

    Lovely post so full of truth and wisdom. Thank you for sharing!

  4. erin -  January 25, 2013 - 2:52 pm

    Wow…Ris, this made me cry!! I can only wish that every single persons relationship can evolve the way yours has. Logan is WONDERFUL as are you. Besides, I have this thing where he reminds me in so many ways of Adam Levine!! hahahaha.

  5. Heather P. -  January 25, 2013 - 5:00 pm

    Love it! So very true for us too. Him being the father of our children is such a turn on!

  6. kimberly -  January 26, 2013 - 8:21 pm

    I too cried when reading this post, I can relate on many levels. From being a mom and seeing my body change so much and accepting that even if I look different now than I did when we first met I am much happier today than I was almost 5 years ago. It feels good to look at my husband seeing him as a father and knowing to me there is nothing more attractive than seeing him on the floor playing with the boys or reading them a book, and knowing he feels the same way about me!

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