Cleaning : Crash Course

Trigger Warning: I am going to be blatantly honest, sarcastic, and use foul language!

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I really fucking hate to clean! I’ll give you at least 2 tips to keep a house looking clean:

1) Don’t get married!

2)Don’t have kids!

It’s really that simple, however you might then acquire cats so maybe that’s not the quick fix.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Cleaning the house with kids is like eating Oreo’s while brushing your teeth”. Yes! I’m not a “tidy” person to begin with so cleaning is just hard for me. We truly LIVE in our home. I let the kids bring their toys into the living room to play and the newest puzzle kick means there are puzzle pieces laying on my floor 24-7. Bella (5) is beginning to understand picking up after herself when told to do so. She takes her clothes from the bathroom to the hamper. She takes her plate from the table to the sink. She even helps scrub the toilet occasionally, but that isn’t leaving my house sparkling. Owen (2) is now at the age where he truly does play and it involves getting every toy out before moving on to a new task. He is getting the idea of “clean up” though and that helps.

To make matters more complicated, it seems like there is always something to do or places to go. It often feels like were not home much, and when we are home “the husband” is home too. Most women can attest that their husbands are the primary cause of messiness. While I will agree this might be biased, in my house it is fair! My husband does everything from leave his dirty clothes inches from the hamper to not rinsing the sink from shaving and “forgetting” to flush the toilet. I even asked him to sit down to pee, at least in the middle of the night (he refused!). He leaves his plates on the table and while he does cook, I am in complete charge of doing the dishes. Sure, I bitch, and he helps for a moment. He really does want to help, but really ladies you get the dilemma…”I want you to help, but just let me so it gets done right.” He does vacuum once a week. He does switch laundry and he does mow the grass and always fixes my car whether it’s the transmission or a simple oil change. Really, I shouldn’t bitch!

So, between the kids and my hubs, NO my house is hardly ever “guest ready”! If you are a pop-in guest you not only will find my house like a tornado went through it, you might find my children naked too. I have to admit, I feel better about my housekeeping skills when I see hoarder stories. My house is nothing like that!! I do not have bugs or rodents!! I do not have clutter, just our stuff never put back where it should be.

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So does this make me a bad parent? Does this make me a bad wife? Does this make me lazy? Who knows, and while it is something I am a bit ashamed of I do not apologize for my mess. On the whole we live in a very happy, loving, and fun household.

Oh and for some actual cleaning tips from the mom who HATES to clean!

1)Pick up as you go and when you walk into a room and forget why you’re there, clean till you remember.

2)Use smelly good products. I like vinegar to clean which doesn’t smell too hot (I actually like it now though) but I like to diffuse grapefruit EO while cleaning.

3)Make it fun! I love jamming to music and the kids dance around and in general it’s a giant dance (cleaning) party.

4)Don’t take life so seriously! If cleaning is your thing than by all means do it because it makes you feel better, but for those that don’t like it chill… you’re not alone!!

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