I am…

tmd11

I am the girl that wished for prince charming. I am the girl that believed in fairy tales and believed that Mr. Right would make the world a better place for me. I am the girl that had sex too young because I thought that is how you got a boyfriend. I am the girl who stayed with a boy even though he cheated on me. I am the girl that began smoking cigarettes to look cool. I am the girl that began to drink alcohol and smoke weed for the same reason. I am the girl who dropped out of high school.

That girl turned into a girl who refused to let her insecurities and past hold her down. I am the girl that showed herself by working hard and got her G.E.D. I am the girl who worked too many jobs to count, looking for her way. I am the girl who was rewarded and praised at her jobs for going the extra mile. I am the girl who began searching for her purpose. I am the girl who found out she was pregnant in the bathroom of her workplace. I am the girl who had a hard time accepting she was pregnant. I am the girl who decided homebirth was our only option and fiercely went through with it uneducated, but determined.

That girl turned into a mom. I am the mom who formula fed, and did rice cereal at 4 months. I am the mom who desperately tried to get her baby to sleep in a crib. I am the mom who attempted to listen to her child cry-it- out. I am the mom who spanked my child to leave the dog food alone. I am the mom who yelled and screamed out of frustration.

tmd13

That mom turned into a woman. I am the woman who realized I didn’t like the mom I was. I am the woman who decided to seek out a different way of being. I am the woman who began to believe in herself and began listening to her heart. I am the woman who gave birth at home to a second child and vowed to breastfeed this one and do baby led weaning. I am the woman who accepted bed sharing from the get go. I am the woman who wore my baby. I am the woman who stopped yelling and started whispering. I am the woman who found her place and began to blossom in this crazy world. I am the woman I want to be and I am the woman who is so excited at what is to come.

My whole life has been leading to this moment that I am now. The present moment that I am today with my kids. Each moment, good and bad, has been a paving stone to today. As much as I don’t want my children to drop out of school, smoke, drink, have sex too soon or any other horrible thing we as parents dare to dream up I have to wonder what they will be if they don’t have these trials to overcome. How can I assist in molding my kids to strive for their dreams and still overcome the trials that will no doubt create their beings? No matter what comes along for them or how they are able to navigate their trials I am confident in knowing that they will always find me on their side. Being a mom never stops.

I am the mom who will nurse my toddler to sleep. I am the mom who will hold my 5 year olds hand while she falls asleep in my bed. I am the mom who will continue to do these things until they are ready to stop. I am the mom who will be honest with my kids. I am the mom who looks my kids in the eyes and helps them name their feelings. I am the mom who will take each moment as it is and not be naïve to say what I will do before it gets here. I am a girl who grew to be a mom who found the woman she always wanted to be.

tmd12

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