I shop to distract myself.

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I actually do. Shopping for me is an outlet. A vacation, a drug, a high, a blissful moment of freedom. One problem… With 1 part time income and 1 unemployment check, shopping is not an option these days.

I am noticing all my OCD tendencies are much more amped up since my husband lost his job. I think it is because my shopping excursions, even grocery shopping, are almost non existent. It sucks. Plain and simple, sucks. I hate not being able to go anywhere and look at things I like, or get my house something, or Karate Kid or Karate Daddy. Not being able to get something new once in awhile is not cool for me. I get bored. So I start nit-picking the house and everyone in it!

I am not saying that I think material things are the most important things in my life and are the only things that bring me happiness. But I’m not going to deny that a new bag or new shoes don’t bring me some happiness!

What do you do when your income is next to nothing and you love to shop? I am trying to keep myself from being irresponsible and buying things we do not need or splurging on things we do need, but really can’t get right now. I am struggling with not allowing myself to go browse at Target, that is my weakness.

We need to get a different car seat for Karate Kid because we are using one of Squishy’s, and I need to give it back, but there just never seems to be enough dollars left over after bills are paid.

I am also a sucker for sales. Even though it still involves spending money. I always buy stuff on sale and still have guilt that I spent even $2 on something. It is crazy how much control money has on our lives. And the control that the lack of money has on what you can and cannot do/have in our life.

This brings me to the subject of having a 2nd child. I want to for Karate Kids sake. Karate Girl is 15, lives in AZ with her mom and only comes out to see us a few times a year, so basically Karate Kid is an only child. Mentioning the idea of adding a +1 to our family and here comes all the “How could you even think of that right now”, “You don’t have a stable income”, blah blah blah…. Last time I checked it was my life not yours, thanks though.

So who knows what we will do. It will not be this year that we have a baby, but I’d like to think I could get preggo this year with the baby coming next year and plan ahead for that. If I use all the resources I have with cloth diapering, breastfeeding and making my own baby food, the cost of adding another baby to the family will be minimal for the first few years. We do a lot of thrift store shopping and hand me downs as it is so I don’t see that being an issue.

Once we get the gear we still need for a new baby then we will be set. Although my mother finds it absolutely absurd that I would have a baby shower for a 2nd baby, I’d like to think I have enough good supportive friends and family that would really want to do that for us, Ive already had offers.

So you see my point is, anything is attainable, weather you have a lot of money or a little bit of money. A happy life is not going to be made by the amount of money you have, or the number of times you have the freedom to shop for what you want, or the amount of material things you can collect. It will be made by the people you allow in it, and the attitude you maintain while going through rough patches. Both of which I need to work on myself. It is not always easy to be at peace with not being able to do something you love, or buy something you want!

Toodles!

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