This is, quite simply, a list of things that I have done wrong, that are wrong, and general skeletons in my closet. It’s a list of imperfections that I’m sharing, not to self-deprecate or fish for compliments in any way, but to show that like all humans, I too am human.
I owned a $20 infantino crotch dangler and wore my newborn daughter in it.
I have screamed some terrible foul words at my children when they have bit my nipples.
I cheated on boyfriends.
I drank underage.
I sometimes text and drive.
I don’t think my babies fit in their carseats correctly when we left the hospital.
I fed the twins food before they were 6 months old.
I used disposable diapers from Thanksgiving thru MommyCon and it was sooooo nice.
I have judged people for believing in evolution.
I have judged people for not believing in evolution.
I know I’m smart. Sometimes I’m an ass about it.
I voted for a presidential candidate who was not a good choice.
I have farted in an airplane.
I don’t like all my family members.
I lied to an Irish man about who I was and where I was flying to. It started as a communication problem and then became elaborate and fairly amusing and thoroughly dishonest.
I wanted to quit breastfeeding.
I wanted to throw my baby out the window.
I have terrible, morbid “fantasies” where I imagine all the awful things that could happen if *blank* went wrong. They’re way too elaborate and detailed. Like daymares.
I rarely wash dishes after dinner.
I don’t scrub the toilets nearly often enough.
I drink Dr Pepper daily.
I do not pick up on social cues well. I’ve been burned by “friends” who gave plenty of signs that I just didn’t see.
I’m terribly blunt sometimes.
I have cankles.
I get lazy. Then I get stir crazy and have to do things.
I set double standards.
I look at my phone too much.
I expect too much from others sometimes.
I can hold a hell of a grudge.
I have a temper.
I still use windex.
See. Human. I’ve obviously not told you about the drugs, the bodies, or any other terribly incriminating things, but there is only so much I’m willing to put online.