In my skin

I weigh about 125 lbs. I am 5’4″. My belly is rounded from carrying twins. My thighs touch. My breasts are bigger than they once were, and while I don’t think I would call them droopy, they’re not nearly as perky as they were before motherhood.

I have a strong back. I have arms that are toned from the weight of all the things I carry, including mismatched twins. My hairs are turning white. I have cellulite on the back of my thighs when I sit down. My ears stick out. My eyebrows don’t match and my nose is a little crooked. I have beautiful eyes. I have big front teeth and a gummy smile. I have dimples and bad posture.

I have always had thick ankles and I used to yearn for legs like the athletic girls’ shapely legs in high school. I used to wonder if my breasts were too small or my ass was too big. I wondered if I was too awkward to be attractive. I didn’t love myself.

But I do love myself now. I love my body. I am comfortable in my own skin. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. Would I change anything about myself? Absolutely not.

I wish this was a how to. I wish I could teach you how, in the length of a blog post, how to love yourself. I don’t know what I changed to make it happen- I just know that I stopped relying on compliments from others to set the tone of conversations with myself. My body will not be shamed by anyone, most of all by me.

I have the body of a mother, of a wife, of a hard working woman who grows vegetables and chases chickens. I do not always eat the healthiest foods and I don’t go out of my way to exercise. I choose to have this body and to love it, to revel in it, to recognize that when I am older this body is something that I will look back on fondly and know that we had a good time together. I love my body for all it has given me. The best way to teach my children to love themselves is by loving myself.

I know that I am blessed to never have struggled with an eating disorder. I hope that if you are struggling with your own body image that you seek out help, that you know that you aren’t alone and that you recognize that EDs are not healthy and are not beautiful.

But if you don’t struggle with an eating disorder you aren’t alone either. There is no shame in loving yourself and treating yourself right. You have the body of a goddess, after all. Look at how far it has brought you and how incredible you have become.

I have the body of my ancestors and the body of my children. I love myself for that. I love the cellulite, the weird toes, the strong back and the ears that stick out.

I am comfortable in my own skin.

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  1. Sarah -  April 28, 2013 - 8:58 am

    I haven’t even had my first child yet (I’m due in July) but I already have a greater appreciation for my body. I had been told my teenage/adult life that it was broken, (PCOS, overweight, this and that) and I was so resentful towards my body. How could it be special if all I had ever wanted was to be a mother, and it couldn’t even do that? Suddenly, even if just once, it worked. I somehow got pregnant. And after many spiritual conversations, I’ll be happy with this just one pregnancy if that’s how the cards play out. I haven’t even given birth, I’m well over the 200lbs, my breasts have never been perky, and I even have to special order my bras online. I promise to treat it with more respect, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I can honestly say that just getting pregnant once has taught me to love my lopsided, plus-size, cellulite/stretchmark, by far imperfect body. It is beautiful and you’re right. I don’t really give a flying flip if others find it as temple-like as me, but I will treat it with the respect it deserves. It worked when everyone believed it wouldn’t, even myself.

  2. Sue -  April 28, 2013 - 9:27 am

    For me getting pregnant is what made me love my body. Suddenly it was doing something truly spectacular and I was in a place where I could appreciate it. I wish I could teach other women to love their bodies too. Our bodies are amazing!

  3. Kelli -  May 1, 2013 - 11:44 am

    I love you Jessica. This is a beautifully written post. <3

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