Many times I am so grateful to a person I have never, and will never meet. I am so grateful for a life I never really knew I had waiting for me. As much as my wife Alicia and I knew we were going to have a family and that we both wanted to be Moms, I had yet to really experience what was on the other side of those hopes and prayers. And one day, the anonymous donor we chose became so important to our life changing.
Being a two Mommy family, Alicia and I chose to use a sperm bank and select a donor in hopes of conceiving a child. We chose a fertility doctor and did tons of research. I met many amazing people along the way on our TTC (trying to conceive) path. Single moms by choice, husbands and wives facing the use of a donor, other two-mom families, all had something to share or advice to offer. One thing no one could assist us with was the very personal decision of choosing a donor.
Every facility offered something. If you went with this bank, all their donors have a doctorate level in education. Another bank prides themselves on their celebrity look-a-likes or upon paying for the service, their ability to closely match donors to the looks of submitted photos. Everything had a price, and regardless of the bank, someone could truly learn just about anything in the profiles of the donors. Personality testing, even their astrological sign. Alicia and I started our broad search after selecting the particular facility. We sifted through profile after profile; we knew we were looking for a donor who would remain anonymous, as that is what we wished for our family. Reading and searching, we looked at education, their career, allergies, and medical history. Some profiles stood out enough that we eagerly listened to the recorded interview with the donor. Surprisingly, just listening to some of the donors, we knew they were a “no” right away (as superficial as it may sound)!
We weren’t kidding ourselves that these were individuals who were compensated for their time and donation, but it was still important for us to find someone who seemed to have an open mind and came from a positive place or outlook on life. This quality fell just under the desire to use someone who had a great medical history and physical characteristics that were similar or matched Alicia’s eye color, hair color, height, and more. We also preferred to use a donor that had at least one reported pregnancy, to indicate there has been some success already with this donor. The person we came across had a good amount of everything we were looking for. This included a recorded sincere voice interview where he briefly touched on the fertility struggles he watched a family member of his own go through and how that influenced part of his decision to do this. Viewing his lifetime photos spanning from infancy to adulthood finalized our choice.
Today, I only see the most amazing, precious joy that I have ever known. I see my eyes and skin but I also see every single expression she shares with my wife Alicia. When I look at my daughter Ella, I never see the physical attributes that originate from that donor, except for that adorable nose that’s not mine. But it doesn’t change that I still from time to time, think of that person out there and wish I could thank them for the unique way they have assisted in changing my life. I am a Mommy now and I have Ella. I have so much appreciation for a person who will remain a stranger but who has made me grateful for life.
Guest Post by Marianna