Everyone has a busy life now a days, that’s just the norm. And I have a plate full. Everyone I’m around me or people I talk to, always ask me how I am not pulling out my hair. Secretly… I do at times. Who better to calm you, ask advice, go out on the town with, or just hang out with; then your closest friend. Right? Well….
I’m a mom of three, 19 month old, boy; 6 year old, boy; 8 year old, girl. The two older ones are my bonus kids. I’m a licensed massage therapist, starting my own company instead of working for someone. I’m an accountant/ co-owner/coach for a youth and adult climbing team. I’m training to compete in National bouldering competition next March. Also help out mommy communities as much as possible. Daddy, youngest son, and I are vegan, and the two older ones are mostly vegetarian when they are with us. We cloth diaper, breastfeed, co-sleep, babywear, I had a drug free water birth, I did placenta re-capsules, and attachment parenting. So a friend would be sooo helpful right?
It started when my son was younger, I felt, my closest girlfriend at the time, was very judgmental about how I wanted to raise my son. She has 2 of her own, and our parenting beliefs/styles are VERY different. Eventually I stopped listening to her advice (that I didn’t even ask for) because I couldn’t/didn’t want to use it. I always felt in her eyes I was wrong/ bad. I stood my ground about what my beliefs were, and I got to the point of asking her to stop giving me advice on how I should raise my son, because she was being so pushy about it. Since I didn’t have the same views as her or she couldn’t change my mind, I felt there was this tense between us and we started to drifted apart. And all the other stuff that happened seemed to make it worst.
I am a type of person that believes everyone has their own beliefs and values. Every mother, baby, situation is different. I’m not going to preach/ and push my views on them and I would apprentice the same respect. I understand education on an issues or topic is important but it’s the pushing it down peoples throat, that I don’t like and can’t handle. I believe a true friendship is accepting the other for who they are and not wanting to change them. I never went off on her about how I felt her parenting was wrong because I accepted HER! But at the end, every time she was around she would be on my case about something.
After drifting apart I became very sad, angry, depressed, and frustrated. Because I lost my closest friend over this, but I have learned from it all and I’m moving forward. To help myself out, I became more involved in a local mommy group through the birthing center I had my son at, to find other mommies like me. Then I was introduce to my partner’s high school friend, Risa, who is an amazing mommy involved in an amazing mommy community. MOMMY DIALOGUES AND MOMMYCON!!!!!! I believe its amazing how Xza, Risa, and the others have built a community of knowledge for mommies, without it being judgmental or pushy. I feel accepted for who I am. I can’t describe how happy, relieved, supported, blessed, I feel to have found Risa, Xza, and all the amazing mommies I have got the pleasure to have met.
Motherhood has changed me in many ways, and I know will continuing to do so. My son is my motivation, to be the best that I can be. Keeping a positive attitude during a negative time, that…will always be a test of mine. But having a community that is supporting, will always help. Now I have became friends with many others with a lot of the same views bit most of all, accept me for who I am and my beliefs.