Balancing working at home with raising babies, being a decent wife, and starting a farm is…overwhelming to say the least. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. It was incredibly important to me before I was ever pregnant and only became more important as motherhood materialized for me. However, my SAHM dreams have sort of morphed into WAHM reality.
Blogging is usually cathartic, but sometimes feels more like work and less like fun. MommyCon seems like an incredible dream come true some days, but other days it wears me so thin that I feel transparent. This farm has always been a pipe dream, but now that it’s tangible I’m afraid that I’ve romanticized it for too long and that I’m not up for the long days and hard work that is the reality.
Just like with parenting, I tend to be an idealist and then struggle when reality is a lot more like an Ernest Hemingway novel than something written by Jane Austen. The reality is never how I see it in hindsight or how I imagine it will be. The reality of my current situation is sleep deprivation, dirty floors, a clogged septic system, kids who fight, chicken shit in my kitchen and sniffing cloth diapers to make sure they smell clean after a wash. My reality is not being able to balance all the things on my plate and just accepting that some tasks will go unfinished. I’m overloaded and if that means that I choose between folding laundry or chasing babies around the bedroom, I’ll chase the babies. It’s just more important.
I often wonder how I’ll be able to cope with/balance all these things in a few months, when farming reaches its peak. I’ve wondered how I’ll know that it’s time to scale back, or how to make it all work better. I don’t really think that I can forsee that, but I do know that I have to prioritize some things and stick with that. It’s pretty simple in my idealistic plans: family, food, mortgage, everything else.
See, that’s not so intimidating. I’m sure I can figure it out just fine.