The water made the contractions less painful, but I still couldn’t relax between them. As soon as one was over I was already prepping for the next. I couldn’t seem to let the last one go, but I willed myself to do just that. I heard MaryAnn say how nice of a break I was getting between contractions. Isn’t it nice she thought so as I was being ripped from the inside out. I couldn’t sit back, none the less lay back in the pool. I could only squat and lean forward listening to the people around me guess the time the baby would arrive.
I visited MaryAnn, my midwife, at 40 weeks + 6 days . There were no physical signs of labor. I was disappointed but was trying so hard to be patient. I knew I wanted my baby to choose their birthday. I was so against having any kind of “help” in getting labor started. I did decide to get some Evening Primrose Oil and I began inserting it vaginally. I was also enjoying the company of my husband as much as possible “ahem”. Six days went by and my next appointment with MaryAnn arrived. She had warned me that if nothing happened she would really like to check me. I was nervous, because I really didn’t want to be checked. I respected her position as my midwife to take my health and my baby’s health as her number one priority so I let her check me and even requested that she give me a little help. To both of our surprise, however, she couldn’t even feel my cervix. I left feeling a little smug, “Ha, you couldn’t even get up there to scrape it let alone see if I was dilated.”
Isabella and I decided a swim would be wonderful. It was so nice to just float in the water and let my joints move freely. Afterwards, we headed home and out to the local pizza joint for dinner with daddy. The waitress commented that I was still pregnant. I laughed and said, “Yes, I am ready!” This was the first time I admitted I was ready for labor. Bella fell asleep on the 5 minute drive home and I remember telling my husband that we needed to have sex tonight because it was going to be the last time for a little while.
I awoke around 11 to the feeling of when you pop a bubble on bubble wrap, only down in my nether regions. I went to the bathroom and knew that my water had sprung a leak. Contractions hadn’t started yet so I fashioned a diaper out of chux pad and went back to sleep. Every 15 minutes I would leak a little more fluid. I finally got stir crazy and decided to go clean the kitchen; contractions began. After the dishes I laid on the couch for a while and contractions grew harder.
It was the middle of the night and I was alone. I didn’t want to wake my husband so I went and started my favorite show Glee. Even that couldn’t keep my attention though and I tried sleeping again. Around 5 am I started to fill the birth pool. Contractions were regular but not fierce. My husband woke around 6 and I remember him saying, “You better be having this baby if I’m going to call into work.” (Side-note: He called his boss to let him know he wouldn’t be in and his boss told him he didn’t even need him to work that day…it was a Saturday. Ha, that’s what he gets for being so insensitive to a laboring woman.) Bella woke too and we started The Lion King for her. She was much too excited to watch it and instead got her Barbie’s and enjoyed the birth pool. There was something off with my laboring. I wasn’t in tune to my body; my head kept getting in the way of what I should be thinking or what I should be doing.
Skip ahead a few hours, my stepdad took Bella to WalMart. MaryAnn and her assistant showed up. Everyone left me alone for the most part and I felt it too. Whenever someone was there with me I was irritated that they weren’t helping me the way I needed help. I don’t really know what I needed, but thinking back I just needed direction that I was doing ok. Maybe a few suggestions to get out of my head and more into my body.
In the tub I began to feel a little pushy. I would lean forward in a squatting position during a contraction. I couldn’t push at the beginning of it, but towards the end I would gently push. At one point, MaryAnn asked for the fist net. I knew what that meant and I was so ashamed!! People say you won’t care in the moment, but I cared very much. Turns out though, I was pushing out some major hemorrhoids. MaryAnn told me that she thought I had a cervical lip and she’d like to check me. She knew I didn’t want to be checked throughout my labor but at that point I was losing strength fast. I didn’t want to eat or drink. I was so overwhelmed in my brain and I couldn’t let go. I got out of the tub and squatted with my hubby supporting me from behind. When the next contraction came, MaryAnn attempted to move the lip out of the way. Imagine having someone’s hand up your who-ha when you’re trying to push a baby out. Not the most comfortable of arrangements.
At one point I roared “GET THIS FUCKING BABY OUT OF ME!!” Then I hear the sweet words, “There’s the head”. Immediately after those words I felt the “ring of fire”. With Bella I regretted not feeling her head when she crowned. So I reached down and felt the bulge. My mom held the mirror for me to see too and right in the middle of a contraction all pain and tiredness went away. I was filled with that light I’d been searching for the entire labor. The rest was easy. The baby crowned a few more times and MaryAnn eased my perineum with the baby’s head.
At 11:50 am, 13 hours after the first “pop” and an hour of pushing I was graced with a wailing baby on my stomach. No tears, but some major hemorrhoids. I looked down to see it was a boy. First thing I said, “You look just like your sister did.” He weighed in at 8lbs 14oz and I remember being upset he wasn’t a 9lb baby!
Happy 2nd birthday Owen Wayne!!