Planning Number Two

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24 months ago today I got pregnant. Yes, we know the date, the time and the exact rock show we went to that made the baby making happen. When we got our first positive pregnancy test, I immediately took three more. I was sick as a dog, but despite all the signs of being pregnant, I was in disbelief. I was finally going to become a mom.
Here we are: 14.75 months old (or postpartum for me) and still no cycle. Some women might jump for joy, but I’m a bit sad. I wanted my children to be very close in age, and that isn’t happening. Even if we got pregnant today, our babies would be two years apart, and the timing couldn’t be worse. I have always promised myself to never have a baby in December or January if at all possible, and ideally a March-May baby would be ideal.
Another part about getting pregnant right now would mean finding a replacement (for myself) at MommyCon. I wouldn’t be able to travel for a while, and right now we have events booked through October 27th.
I guess that is our problem. Even if I could get pregnant, I shouldn’t. I don’t want to rob Atticus or the new baby of my love and attention, because I’ll be busy working and traveling. I need to figure out the best balance and what will be the right time to bring baby number two on board.
How did you decide that adding another baby was the best thing for your family?

About the author

Xza
Xza Louise Higgins is the founder of MommyCon, creator of The Mommy Dialogues, and punk rock mom to two year old Atticus in the great city of Chicago, IL. She is incredibly passionate about birth options, human rights, and promoting gentle parenting practices.

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  1. Ashley -  February 28, 2013 - 1:25 pm

    We started trying for DS2 when DS1 was 18 months (just a couple months shy of it actually). We had miscarriage #2 and #3 trying and it took us almost a year. They’re a little over 2 1/2 years apart. We’re getting ready to start trying for #3 now (really #6 accounting for our babies we’ve lost) and DS2 is 2 and a month. I don’t really want another winter baby but it took us so long to TTC last time that we’re just going to start trying after my husband’s oral exams for grad school (so he’ll officially be a PhD candidate) in May. If we get pregnant before that fine but otherwise our kiddos will end up over 3 years apart between DS2 and the next kiddo. I wanted them about 2 1/2 years apart but we just weren’t ready to try for another one until now. You need to go with how you feel rather than age I think. I’m still nursing DS2 and I know we need to be done by very early because I’m so afraid of another miscarriage especially since I started having Braxton Hicks at 12 weeks with him (20 with DS1) and preterm labor at 30 weeks (32 with DS1). I really am trying to take care of myself so I’m healthy enough and hopefully we can prevent preterm labor.

  2. Kayla Fletcher -  February 28, 2013 - 2:00 pm

    I want another baby so badly but it just isn’t realistic for us right now 🙁 … Part of me wants to wait until Elijah is 4 so I get to spend good amounts of time with just him, but another part of me wants so badly to grow another beautiful baby in my belly. Things just aren’t in the cards for us right now!

  3. rachel -  February 28, 2013 - 2:03 pm

    I have a friend who doesn’t have a period the whole time she’s nursing (which is usually 2+years). I get mine back about 3months post partum every time 🙁

    When our oldest was a baby I could not imagine having another anytime soon. Everything was so hard I thought maybe when he was 5 we’d try for a 2nd. When he turned 2 it got easier and we decided it would be a good time to try. I was working at a school so it made sense to try and plan for a summer baby. It was so easy the 2nd time around I could have had a 3rd right away but my husband wasn’t on board. I really wanted all 3 years apart but it took another year to convince dh our family needed a 3rd! 😉 So the oldest two are 3yrs apart and the middle and youngest are 4 years apart. Since our oldest is 7 it is so much fun seeing our baby through his eyes! I’m glad they are kind of spread out..

    I always wanted summer babies too, all three of ours are within 3 weeks of each other. Yes, it’s a bit of a pain but I lways loved having a summer birthday. Plus I would not want to deal with having an infant in the middle of a bad winter!

  4. Chelsea -  February 28, 2013 - 4:04 pm

    Baby #2 decided for us. We wanted a 2 to 2.5 year gap in between kiddos. But in the crazy mix of becoming new parents, my husband being away at training, and moving across the country, we weren’t as careful as we should have been. When we conceived, my husband had spent 2 weeks of our daughters life with her, and she was 4 months old. The day after our positive pregnancy test, he found out he was deploying to Afghanistan in 10 days. Now he’s back, our princess is almost 1 and our baby boy will be here sometime in the next 5 weeks. I wanted a bigger gap, but I feel blessed with babies who will be close in age and hopefully a close knit pair of siblings for life 🙂

  5. Tricia -  February 28, 2013 - 4:21 pm

    You sound just like I did one year ago. I was desperate to conceive, disappointed when each month passed with no sign of my cycle returning. I was breastfeeding Ezra and he was eating solids, but my body was rebelling against my plans. It wanted no part of my vision of babies two years apart. And you know what? Now that I’m pregnant at THIS MOMENT? I’m so thankful. I’m watching a four-month old for my friend, starting everyday after spring break. I can honestly say, having them that close would’ve been unfair to Ezra. He is still nursing and still needs me so very much. When Ella is here, it’s REALLY hard to give my sweet boy any attention. Ella is a high needs little lady; it hurts my heart that Ezra is being neglected because this baby needs me more.

    You will get pregnant and it will be perfect. The best laid plans are those we see unfolding in front of us. Concentrate on the beautiful baby you have, and he’s still so very little. Relish your nursing relationship, those moments during the day when you can’t help yourself and smother him in love. It WILL happen. My first two are four years apart, and while I’m not saying you need to wait THAT long, Henry and Ezra have an absolutely stellar relationship. It’s so loving and mutually protective. You’ll have more babies, and really, why rush it? Who wants to race to the end of their baby-birthing years?! The environment you create for your family, a sense of familial unity and unending love and loyalty, THAT is what determines how close your babies will truly be. Not their age difference. On weekends, it’s the four of us. We don’t do stuff with other couples, we don’t split up and do separate things. We move in sync, together, we ebb and flow as one. Again, not saying it has to be done that way, but it makes us so much stronger and bonded. Sending my love, mama.

    • Xza Louise -  February 28, 2013 - 4:39 pm

      Thanks for the insight Tricia! And yay on number 3!!

  6. Jenn B -  February 28, 2013 - 5:37 pm

    I am so thankful we didn’t rush into having number 2, even though I felt some pressure to keep up with our parental peers. Amelia and baby number 2 will be almost 4.5 years apart and I am so glad to have had all this time to cherish with her. I’m curious to see how she takes not being center of attention anymore… But for now she has been so excited about the baby. Asking to rub my tummy and “what fruit is the baby now?” (I have a phone app that shows the fruit comparison by weeks)

    We had several friends who had their kids a year apart and it was really hard, most of them are only now coming up for air 3-4 years later!

    As an amazing entrepreneur you will be happy that you have taken your time so that you not only have the time for your children but you are also able to keep (and flourish) in a career that you love.

  7. Sarah Taylor -  February 28, 2013 - 6:00 pm

    I’m 20 mo postpartum and still no period. I figure fate will bring no. 3.

  8. Kirsten -  February 28, 2013 - 6:01 pm

    We started trying when our DS was 10 months old. We had an successful breast feeding journey, so my cycle returned quickly. We conceived the first time around and then found out we were having another son. I wanted my boys to be close in age and they were, by 19 months apart. My pregnancy and post partum was HARD. Chasing after that crazy toddler really wore me out. And once the baby came I was exhausted. Our first child was a great sleeper, or youngest was not to say the least. I had a C-section and was not able to pick my older son up at all, I had to rely on other people to take care of him. He started to resent all the time I was holding and breast feeding his little brother. He started to not want to have anything to do with me. I was heartbroken. It did get better as the baby got older, but it was a rough first year. Now DS1 just turned 3, and DS2 is 17 months. They are great friends now and they love to play and cuddle together. I agree with Tricia, your baby needs you now and you should wait until your body is ready. My cycle just returned this month, and we have decided to wait to TTC until out youngest has turned two. Good luck with your journey,

  9. Abbie -  March 1, 2013 - 10:21 am

    I had always wanted two kids, about two years apart. Once Mia stopped sleeping well at night (at 8 months) and became a MUCH harder toddler than baby…and my husband lost not just one, but then two jobs (in a 7 month period!)…it became clear that wasn’t in the card for us. It still breaks my heart. My cycle came back when Mia was about 14 months old. It was regular until I had my Paragard (non-hormonal) IUD removed last July. Ever since then, my cycle has been very strange. The last period I had came about 100 days after the previous one! I bought a ton of ovulation predictor tests and they never showed me to be ovulating. I ended up making an appointment with an OB/gyn who specializes in fertility a few months ago. I am still nursing Mia (pretty much constantly! Ahhhhh!) even now that she’s three years old and I won’t wean her in order to get pregnant. Surprisingly, the OB didn’t tell me I needed to! Hooray! Before my last period, I randomly took an ovulation test and it DID show me as ovulating, and that alone made me so happy. I’d been considering fertility treatments at that point…because I’ll be 35 in June and Mia is already 3…I don’t feel like I should wait much longer for Mia’s sake (she really would benefit from having a sibling…I feel like not having one has already negatively affected her, ugh!) AND because I’m so old. I don’t want to worry about all the health risks that start increasing after 35. Anyway, even though I know I am ovulating, we still didn’t get pregnant…so we are still trying. Right now I am stressing over stuff like you are (if we wait to try until April or May, the baby would be born in a horrible time of year, in December-January)…but who knows if I’ll even be able to get pregnant then? Even though I’ve ached for another baby for the past 18 months…I worry about how I will manage having another. Mia is pretty high-maintenance. She’s super attached to me AND nursing…and she sleeps with me every night AND still wakes several times a night…how could I handle a baby waking up too? My husband is a nurse and works nights AND when he is home, sleeps in another bedroom so I’m on my own. It worries me, but doesn’t change my mind about how much I want another. So, I keep wishing and hoping that I’ll get my chance one of these days before Mia is too old.

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