Ten Things I Have Learned About Myself in the First Year of Motherhood

Breastfeeding Atticus right before leaving the hospital at 24 hours old.

  1. I would die for my son. I know this probably sounds cliché, but the other day some jerkface was speeding down our side street while we were in the cross walk. I pushed Atticus as far out of the street as possible, but the van was going a good 60 miles per hour and I could literally feel the back of my coat get blown from the speed he was going. I was a bit frazzled, Atticus unfazed, but it made me realize that I really would do anything to keep my son out of harm’s way.
  2. I can naturally birth. I have joined the “club” of moms who have done things the natural way and I am damn proud of this. In today’s day and age we are setup for failure with interventions being pushed at us left and right. I am so proud that I could birth the way I wanted to and deliver Atticus into a peaceful environment free of drugs, blinding lights and unnecessary baths (you can read all about that here).
  3. I make milk. While somedays I feel like a cow and I have occasionally uttered, “I want my boob back,” I have successfully breastfed for 357 days, and while I never thought I’d be joining the extended breast feeders of the planet,  in two short weeks I will. Gulp.
  4. It’s not always about me.  Ok, let’s face it, when you become a mom it’s rarely about you anymore, and I am 100% OK with this! I can’t tell you how many times I have used the restroom with a baby strapped to my chest or my shower has been replaced with 10PM puke in my hair. Sometimes that puke has had to stay in my hair much longer than I’d like, but I’m OK and my son is happy.
  5. I will let go of the control for his happiness. I always cringed when I saw toys spewed across friends’ homes, and now I live in that home. Atticus loves colorful toys and bins, and because of this we have toys in our living room, bedroom and of course his room.
  6. I have baby fever more than ever. My uterus will always ache when I see a brand new baby no matter how young my own baby is.
  7. I can function on very little sleep. Oh how I miss sleep! Prior to becoming a mom it wasn’t uncommon for me to sleep in 10 hour blocks. I loved some good REM! Since becoming pregnant I have gotten less and less sleep. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get a full nights rest again, but I also know that Atticus needs me, and until he needs me a little less, I will wake with him as much as he needs it.
  8. I am a wealth of mommy knowledge. As cocky as it sounds, it’s true. If you need tips for breastfeeding, increasing your milk supply, finding a great carrier, cloth diapering or analyzing what you do and don’t need for your baby… I’m your gal!
  9. I can adapt. This wasn’t always the case, and I am proud to say that I can now adapt to what life throws at me. Whether that is getting puked on in the middle of a business meeting with big wigs in Vegas or compromising on a three course meal, because a fussy baby needs me. I can adapt to wearing a baby on my back to accomplish life’s daily challenges and work hard to find solutions for problems in my life and others.
  10. I love Atticus so much. It may be the most obvious item on this list, but my love for Atticus is unlike anything I have ever felt before. I love my parents, I love my husband, but my love for my son…. It’s a world of its own. Every decision I make effects his life so much, and I have tried to make my decisions based on his best interests. It takes a lot to remove yourself from the situation

About the author

Xza Louise Higgins is the founder of MommyCon, creator of The Mommy Dialogues, and punk rock mom to two year old Atticus in the great city of Chicago, IL. She is incredibly passionate about birth options, human rights, and promoting gentle parenting practices.

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