The Number Game

 

My kids are 3 years apart. My husband & I knew we wanted them close together because of our own sibling experiences growing up. My husband & his brother are 27 months apart. My sister & I are 6 years apart. Both had positive & negative sides to them. Ultimately we chose a small age gap between our kids.

When my sister was born, I was 6 years old. I was in kindergarten & up until then, I was THE girl…the only child in our home. Liz was born & I took to her like a new mama. I taught her how to read & how to braid hair. We played school & Barbie’s. We also fought a lot. A LOT. As she began school, I was in the 6th grade. We didn’t go to the same school. We had none of the same friends. We were into totally different things.

I went off to college in 1997 & she was in Jr. High. We fought like cats & dogs over EVERYTHING. I believe we actually hated each other. She was a young immature whiny baby & I was a mature grown-up college student. (YEAH RIGHT) It wasn’t until she went to college herself that we became close again. Now that she is married & has kids of her own, we are best friends. We did miss out on years of being close because of our age difference. Her being the baby & me being the oldest, she got more attention than I did & I noticed that.

My husband’s experience was different. He & his brother were born very close together. They went to the same school, had the same friends, & worked at the same after-school job. They remain close to this day.

There have been times, I admit, when I have had both of my kids with me, I’ve looked at mothers with an older kid with envy. Here I am with two small children, both of them into everything. Then I look at how close they are to each other already. Sure Jax is unable to watch Elliot while I take a shower, but they do keep each other entertained. They are each other’s shadow.

One of the cons to having them close in age is they will probably have to share a car, or we will have to buy two, when they are in high school. Also, having two children involved with extra-curricular things at the same time can get expensive.

When my second was born, I still had all of my first-borns baby gear, & it was all in great condition. We bought a few things, like a crib, another bouncer, & a crib mattress, but everything else we had. Actually, we had an over abundance of things.

I am so glad we had them close. They are already very close to one another. Grocery shopping can be difficult, but we have learned to handle it. I just hope they stay close & not distant themselves from one another like my sister & I did. She is actually planning on having children close in age for the same reason I did.

Deciding on the age difference between your children is a personal choice. There is no perfect age gap. Both come with pros & cons. If there is enough time & love in your home, then the age difference won’t matter.

 

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  1. Heather P. -  March 30, 2012 - 10:02 am

    My husband and I are trying to have ours about two years apart. My brother and I are 4 and a half years apart. We fought all the time. My hubby is about 3 years apart from his sister. They got a long pretty well. So we wanted a cloeser gap with ours as well. Two seems good. My son who is 22months will be done potty training soon. That is my thing. I don’t want them in diapers at same time.

  2. Beth P. -  March 30, 2012 - 12:54 pm

    I have always wanted my children fairly close in age, i am hoping between 2-3 years apart. My son is only 3 months old so we have some time before trying for the next. Great article!

  3. Kristel -  March 30, 2012 - 4:22 pm

    Ive been thinking about this a lot lately. My son is only 7 months and I am in no way ready for another, but my husband and I know we would like another someday. I was thinking no sooner than three years but no later than four years.
    My sister and I are four years apart and we hated each other growing up! But we were also very different. We get along much better now but still….

    I don’t know. I guess we’ll just see how it turns out!

  4. Samara -  April 1, 2012 - 6:28 pm

    My sister and I are 7 years apart (I’m older) and I understand exactly what you described! I also went to college in 1997 (gasp). I very much wanted children within 2 years of eachother. My BF…not so much. He wants about 3. Since my son is now 19 months, I guess he wins this one…

  5. Chasity Monschein -  April 8, 2012 - 9:35 pm

    I think a lot of it depends on gender. In my husband and I’s families, girls close in age fight and argue a lot more than those 3-4 years apart. I would have loved for my sister to not be so close to my age. I could have dressed her up, taken her around with me, and taken a more maternal role. Instead, she wore my clothes, went to the same school as me, and in general I felt like I had no place to call my own.
    I’m pregnant now and if we have a girl first we will wait 3-4 years. If it’s a boy we’ll wait 2.

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