One of the things that I was most looking forward to as the mother of twins was the twin bond. I had heard so many stories about the deep, sometimes spiritual connection that twins have with each other. It was exciting to me that my kids could maybe have that super strong bond between each other.
Then I heard the other stories. “We couldn’t let them touch each other for years. They were vicious.” “She held her under the water in the bathtub when I turned my back.” “I’ve never had to deal with something like this with my other children.”
People seriously say things like that. Not to be helpful. Not to scare new moms. I think it’s because people think that stories are all relatable. We all want to hear your amusing/interesting/scary anecdote. And we don’t. At least, I don’t.
Just like I didn’t want to hear about the stretch marks that twin moms got on their ankles while I was pregnant, I don’t want to hear about your murderous twin toddlers while I’m struggling with mine in the grocery store. Even if you are trying to be helpful, it’s just not. Tell me the good stories instead.
When my babies chase each other around the kitchen table giggling so hard that Cormac snorts it makes my heart so happy. When they give each other those open-mouthed baby bird kisses, I melt. When Clara makes Cormac laugh out loud by doing something funny with a toy I feel like I could burst with joy.
When I found out that there were two embryos baking in my uterine oven, l tamed my anxiety by focusing on the idea that they would always have someone to play with: a partner in crime, a pal, a built in best friend. I hope that they remain close. I hope that they always giggle at each other and while I know that they won’t always chase each other around the kitchen table, I hope that their friendship will be the strongest part of their relationship.
So far, that bond has been a remarkable thing to observe. It has grown and changed. I am hopeful that it will continue to do so. They can be jealous, of course, and even mean to each other. Cormac has bitten Clara more than once and Clara is pretty terrible about stealing Cormac’s food if she thinks she can get away with it. It’s my job as the parent to curb those behaviors and praise them for the good moments. Hopefully we can continue to foster and grow that amazing twin bond.