So Xza offered I do a guest post or two after I commented on her Instagram post about the final 5 (6) being revealed. I was excited, but not really sure how to proceed since obviously I wasn’t one of the chosen 6. I got home and decided to just wing it and email telling her of an idea I had. See, that’s just who I am… I’m kinda crazy and just let my heart lead my life. I was super pumped when she thought my idea of writing a piece about NOT being chosen was a good idea. To be honest, I’m sure I’m not the only finalist that was feeling a little negative for bit. It’s human nature to be resentful when we don’t feel wanted; which I could easily tailspin right into why I parent the way I do, but that is getting WAY off topic.
One of the questions on the application to become the next TMD writer was something like, “Why do you want to write for TMD?” My answer, “Because it scares the crap out of me.” That’s the truth too! I decided to enter the contest purely on a whim. When I entered, I didn’t think I would be chosen as a finalist and honestly, I didn’t really want to win. It’s a lot of time, work and effort to be a writer for TMD, but the thrill of something hard and unknown pulled me in. After I entered I forgot about it and about crapped my pants when I saw an email from Kelli saying I was a finalist. I remember just cheesing, because I was chosen… I was special enough to be recognized. I don’t know if it’s a girl thing or maybe an American thing but self confidence isn’t something that comes naturally, I needed that self esteem boost. I was told to write a story about something that explains my parenting style. To remind you about which finalist I am; I wrote about taking my little girl to school in one piece but hair not brushed. After reading all the other finalists stories, I knew I was up against some stiff competition (I’m still berating myself a little for not being more open and gushing about just how awesome I really am). It hit me then that I really did want to be a part of TMD. I relished the idea of putting my whole self on display and it did matter; I fell in love with the idea of joining the TMD girls. I tried to rally some of my Facebook “friends” and got a couple of handfuls of great support. I tried to take creative pics for my Instagram profile and reach out to those I only know through the social media world. I patiently waited while MommyCon went on, still feeling extremely negative that I probably wasn’t going to be a part of the final 5 and that I couldn’t be a part of such an amazing thing, but all the while knowing that I tried my hardest and that what happened would be what was meant for me.
The Mommy Dialogues is a one-of-kind blog and a whole new mommy scene that is positive and open to all mommies, and so far creating a very good image for itself. When the final 6 was announced my heart was broken; my name wasn’t on it. I tried to not care; I tried not to be angry. I noticed though that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. I wasn’t the only one who put my heart on the line. Why were we meant to feel this pain? It’s because we were meant to…period. I am a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason whether we can see it at the moment or not. My very best friend (whom we don’t share parenting styles) calls me Yoda, “speak the truth I do”.
So now I’m going to get a bit deep here. I want the other 9 finalist and the next 5 to come, and all the applicants that weren’t chosen to know that you have something worth going after in your horizon. We were meant for something different and that’s ok. It’s up to you to decide how this contest will affect your life, but for me it’s only a stepping stone in following my dreams and a reminder that the mommy world is exactly my place to be. I’m definitely going to continue my path of becoming a leader for La Leche Leage and continue to encapsulate placentas, but I’m going to throw myself out there and become certified in Childbirth Education. Life is all about taking chances and seeing what comes from them. The best thing from this is a lesson to teach my children; I want them to try, even when it is hard. I want them to fail because we don’t learn to give up from failure, we learn to succeed.
“Around here we don’t look backwards for very long…we keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing NEW things because we’re curious… and curiosity keeps leading us down NEW paths” ~Walt Disney