time.

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There are a lot of things you forget about once you haven’t had a newborn for a few years. You forget just how tiny they are. You forget exactly how sweet their breath is. You forget just how many freaking diapers (and outfits) they can go through in a 3 hour period. You forget just how physically painful their cries can be to hear, for even a second. The list goes on and on. Lately, the one thing I’m finding I forgot the most is how the concept of time begins to completely elude you. The way that a 2 hour stretch of sleep can feel like a lifetime on one occasion and mere minutes the next time you get it. The way you can wake up at 6 am and make breakfast only to realize it’s now 11 am. Uhhhh…. Where did those 5 hours go? They certainly weren’t spent cleaning the kitchen, putting all these baskets of laundry away, or even grabbing a shower. Did I really just spend 5 hours holding/nursing the baby? Yes. Yes, I did. The time is flying by and I don’t like it. Saylor is already one month old. ONE MONTH! Not fair.

When it feels like time is running on warp speed, it can be a bit of a challenge for me to allow myself to slow it down. Since having a third child, I’ve become painfully aware of just how few hours are in my day, and how few hands I have! While I may feel that I’m holding it together (most days) on the house keeping front, there’s one area where I’ve let time get the best of me and that needs to change. Too often I hear myself telling my 4 year old “I’ll play with you as soon as I get the baby to sleep and put this laundry away.” Too often my 2 year old is getting to watch Little Einsteins instead of doing the puzzle she got out for us because “I’ve got to load these dishes and make beds while the baby sleeps.” It’s disappointing for me when I reflect on my days to realize that I didn’t actually ever meaningfully interact with my two bigger kids. I can see the disappointment on their faces when they ask for my attention and I reply that I’m unable to give it to them. This needs to stop. Immediately. I know it’s been said before but it bears reminding, we will miss these days with young children who demand every ounce of our existence. I don’t want to look back and remember how sweet Harper looks watching tv. I want to remember how much fun our pillow fights were, and how epic our forts turned out!

Right now, I’m in the trenches of having a new baby, and that particular new baby needs me more than I was anticipating. But, it’s time for me to find the balance between getting the baby to sleep and playing Legos!

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