We’ve had a rough couple of weeks here lately. I’ve been kind of down, struggling to find motivation, and feeling a little lost. When I wrote about learning to live small in a bigger house a few weeks ago, I believed that we were just one week away from moving into a bigger, beautiful home. I have never really cared where I lived, and have always been perfectly content in a small space. When we decided to start looking for something bigger, I assumed it would take us a while, months probably, to find a good fit for our family. However, the first day I checked the local ads I found something that sounded promising. When I went to drive by the house later that day, to see if we were even interested, I discovered that it was one of the few older homes in our town that I have loved since we moved here. I couldn’t believe it. I was in love.
Over the next two weeks, I began to pack and prepare to move. The whole time I was doing so, I felt like it was a dream. It didn’t feel real that we were really going to be living in that house soon. I had planned out which rooms we would use for each of us, I had arranged furniture, and even decided what types of pieces we would need to buy to fill up all of that space. I was envisioning play dates and summer get togethers in the back yard when I received a phone call.
The owner had broken our contract to sell the home to someone else.
To say I was devastated is an understatement. I have never been so in love with a house, and I have never cried over a house, but that day? I cried. I have cried a lot of tears in the days since. I feel stupid about it, to be honest, because it’s just a house. I realize it’s not the end of the world, and that it’s not that big of a deal. But for some reason, this has been extremely difficult for me. I was telling an older family friend about it today, and she was so encouraging. She said when you lose something like that, you lose a vision. And while you can find new vision, it’s hard to let one you were so excited about go away.
That is exactly what happened. I had a vision for this house, this home, and it’s gone. I am not the kind of person who likes to talk or write about things that make me sad, or things I am currently struggling with. I think because I can hear in my head the pep talk I would give a friend or family member in my situation, it’s hard to allow myself to feel sad. I can hear all of the logic, the good advice, and the hope for something else, something better. But at the end of it all, there has still been a sadness that has been hard to shake.
A week has went by, we have moved on, and we have improvised. Because of our current home being rented out halfway through March, and us being ridiculously busy for the next several weeks, this last weekend was the only weekend we could move. So since nothing else that fits our specifications has come up, we are staying with my parents and our things are in storage for the foreseeable future. I am thankful we have somewhere to stay, and I am thankful we are ready to move in as soon as the right house comes up. I am thankful for my friends, family, and blog sisters, who have been so encouraging to my dramatic sadness over the last week.
I do know there is something else out there that will work for us, and I want to believe it’s something better.