Sometimes it takes a 5 year old to really put things in perspective.
Me: It’s time to wake up.
Bella: Oh, can’t I sleep just a few more dreams?
I frequently say that raising a baby is so much easier than raising a child. Once that baby grows and their personality comes out, they start to think for themselves and have their own thoughts and feelings that are much more complex than just hungry, wet, or tired. I am very much an attachment style parent. It’s a choice and not one that I feel the need to justify to anyone or one that I feel everyone should practice. It is very challenging at the best of times and damn near impossible at the worst. I struggle just like most adults with self image and self confidence. I struggle with patience and I really struggle with what my life lessons are doing to my kids.
Me: I’m sorry I rushed you this morning, and got upset with you.
Bella: It’s ok Mommy. Why do you always say sorry?
Me: I want you to know that I don’t mean to hurt you and that I’m learning how to be a mommy, just like you’re learning how to be Bella.
Bella: Well, you know people would like you a lot better if you weren’t so mean to yourself.
Me: Well… that is very astute. You are right; I should be nicer to myself. How did you get so smart?
Bella: It’s the fish, I really like eating fish and it helps my brain grow.
Straight up, to the point; so much simplicity with so much wisdom. I want my kids to know confidence and I want them to know happiness. I want them to know individuality and I really want them to question everything. Parenting is hard! My house is a mess, dirty laundry and dishes piled up. I have abandoned cloth diapers and yet my uterus throbs for another baby. I struggle with relationships and while I seem to be great in social situations, my insides scream in protest. How am I to teach my kids all of those things when I myself have a hard time with them? I can’t answer my own question, but I do try my best, and that at least is all I want my kids to do. Over time I guess we all grow and mature; my daughter reminds me time is not numbers on a clock but just a few more dreams.